Monday, 3 March 2008

repetition

i've been quite neglectful in posting to this blog, partially because i'm feeling a bit repetitive. i don't want it to become just an endless string of posts along the lines of "this week, i ran. it hurt. i kept going anyways." - that, i'm sure, would be even more boring to read than it would be to write! but part of the reason that i didn't post is that last week was by far the hardest yet, and i was feeling pretty down about it - not just because the running itself was difficult, but because the whole week pretty much sucked.
march 1st was the annversary of my dad's death, and it seems that no matter how much time passes (seven years, now), that day, and in fact just about the entire week leading up to it, is just awful. i was pretty emotionally fragile all week (as an example, i had a customer at work who was so mean to me that i actually burst into tears - luckily, i managed to wait until i was on my own!). and the running (or, more accurately, plodding along wheezing) didn't help.
i'm now at the stage of the training program (week four) where i have to do the following: run 3 minutes, walk 1.5 minutes, run 5 minutes (?!?!?), walk 2.5 minutes, then repeat the whole thing once more. and for someone who, four weeks ago, was struggling to run for 1 minute, it seemed a challenge too far. sure enough, i didn't quite make it - on the second run of the week, i had to add in some extra walking time, and what with the aforementioned emotional fragility, had a mini-meltdown during the run (note to self - crying while running does not help, especially if you're already out of breath!). luckily, it was dark & rainy, so there were no witnesses apart from the RSA & the pup (both of whom have seen this kind of thing before).
i've pulled myself together, and am taking another crack at week four - it's a nine week program, and since it's still only march, i've got some extra time to play around with, and have decided that if a week is simply too hard, i'll do it again the next week, and the week after that if need be, until i feel that i'm ready to push myself into the next week of training. so this week, i'll be repeating last week - hopefully with less crying!

1 comment:

ambermoggie said...

I think you have acheived a lot already well done:) It isn't hard to push when there is a lot in your mind as with your Dad's anniversary. To have still done the training program took great determination so once more Well done:)))
Don't be too hard on yourself, we are all rooting for you
hugs
amber